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Sunday, October 09, 2005
i think the toughest thing in life is to complete this journey. it can get tiring sometimes."" - posted by michy at 10:04 PM i wld be lying if i said i never thought of giving up. but i suppose i AM here for a purpose. Im feeling so tired physically and emotionally. As one grows and matures, one just learn to live with the emotional pain and hurts that life can bring. its like getting stung by a bee. it hurts initially, but as you keep getting stung, your body somehow gets immune to it such that it doesnt hurt anymore. Life is like a one way road. whatever one does in life he/she can only do it ONCE. you can turn back the hour or minute hand, but it wont change the fact tt the damage had been done. I guess if i were given a chance to redo certain things, i wld have definitely done it differently and maybe better. Im feeling kinda sad now. I realised there isnt really anyone tt i can talk to abt my personal issues. im not pitying myself but its true. I went to city hall today again. i dont know why i cant get over it. my fren told me something the other day tt really struck me. she said,' whats the point?!' i dont know. i really dont. i think i left too many things unsaid. there are still so many questions on my head tt i dont know how to let go unless its answered. but he dont wanna talk abt it. there is nothing i can do abt it. i wonder why i even bother. every morning i tell myself ' i HAVE to let it go. i WONT think abt it today.'i know i am only deceving myself. but tts all i hope and wish for every day. i try and i try but every night when i am all alone in my room, he fills my mind. the happy times we used to share, the times i used to feel jealous, the last time we met, all this images just fills my mind. i cant move on. i feel so helpless. i dont know how to put it in words. sometimes i wonder if the only way to FULLY get over it is to just end this road. i know i cant. i wldnt wana spend my life in hell. i wonder what do i want sometimes. i wanna meet him. but i think it'll only make me cry. i wanna know the truth. but i know it'll hurt i wonder if God thinks its funny. i wonder why isnt he helping me. the only thing i can do is wonder. here comes the tears.... |
